Bahubali joke

બાહુબલી ની હત્યા જોઇને એક નિદૉષ બાળક ગભરાઈ ને બોલ્યો

આ વેકેશનમાં હુ મામા ને ત્યા રહેવા નઈ જઉ

Jokes of the day

पत्नी:
टोस्ट पर शहद लगा दूँ, खाओगे ?

पति, (स्टाइल मारते हुए):
शहद! मधुमक्खी के मुँह से निकलता है। नहीं, मैं किसी के मुँह से निकली हुई चीज़ नहीं खाता l

पत्नी:
तो फिर अंडा बना दूँ ?

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बाहुबली के अपार सफलता को देखते हुए
मै भारत सरकार से गुजारिश करता हु की..
हमारी भारतीय सेना के सारे सिपाहियो को हटा कर
वहाँ साउथ के 10-12 हीरो को भेज देना चाहिए ।

नोट: ( रजनीकांत का उपयोग केवल विश्वयुद्ध में किया जायेगा)

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Papu 15 मिनट में ही पेपर छोड़ कर
चलने लगा।
टीचर: क्या हुआ, पेपर नहीं
आता क्या?
Papu : वो बात नहीं है
मुझे अगले पेपर की तैयारी करनी ह

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टीचर  : 1869 में क्या हुआ ?

सुरेश :- गांधीजी का जन्म!

टीचर :- बिलकुल सही. बैठो निचे ..

टीचर :- पप्पू तु बोल.. 1872 में क्या हुआ…?

पप्पू :- गांधीजी ३ साल के हो गए… मैं भी बैठू क्या?

टीचरः साले बाहर निकल

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------BAHUBALI 3-------

Mahendra BAHUBALI became the King , got married to Avantika.
But history repeats itself !! Conflicts begun between Avantika and Devsena , by the time Mahendra BAHUBALI became father of a son named NARENDRA .
Mahendra BAHUBALI tried to solve the conflicts between Avantika and Devsena but was killed by nasty family politics !!
NARENDRA grown up and decided not get married for entire life to end the conflicts between Mother and Wife !!!!

Now he is ruling INDIA successfully

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बाहुबली देखकर एक सीख मिली।

अमरेंद्र बाहुबली शराब नहीं पीते थे..मर गए।
भल्लालदेव शराब नहीं पिया..मारा गया।
वहीँ भल्लाल का पिता बिज्जलदेव पूरी उम्र शराब पीता रहा और लास्ट तक जिंदा रहा।
लम्बी उम्र के लिए शराब पिए..अफवाहों पर ध्यान न दे...!!
   *जय माहेष्मती!!*

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एक बार एक दुकान पर इनकम टैक्स वाला आया  ?                          

ऑफिसर- तुम्हारी हिसाब की सब  फाइल दिखाओ  ,,,,,?

दुकानदार -वो घर पर है ?            
ऑफिसर - लेकर आओ                 
दुकानदार - घर दूर है                       
ऑफिसर - फिर भी लेकर आओ      
दुकानदार - सर आपके स्कूटर की चाभी दीजिये                               ऑफिसर - ये लो जल्दी आना   ?       
दुकानदार गया तो शाम 6 बजे तक नहीं आया तो ऑफिसर गुस्सा होकर बैठा था ।
तभी दुकानदार घूम फिर कर आराम से आया  तब तक आधा पेट्रोल जल गया था ?                     
ऑफीसर - कहा गये थे                    
दुकानदार - पहले मेरी बात का जबाव दो फिर मैं आपकी बात का जबाव दूंगा   ?                                         
ऑफिसर - बोलो                             
दुकानदार - आप कितने बजे से दूकान पर बेठे है :?                                    
ऑफीसर - सुबह 11 बजे से, क्यों ?     

दुकानदार- कितने ग्राहक आये?          
ऑफिसर - कोई नहीं आया               
दुकानदार गुस्से से - जब ग्राहक ही नहीं तो साले काहे की इनकम, काहे का टेक्स

यह मोदी राज है!  मोदी राज में काम काज तो 1 टके का नहीं है किस बात का टेक्स??  

दुकानदार  हो तो आगे भेजो

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એક સન્યાસી ને મેં સહજ પૂછ્યું
બાબા: કેમ છો ?
સન્યાસી: બેટા અમે સન્યાસી માણસ . અમારો રામ રાખે એમ રહીયે .

સન્યાસી એ મને પણ  વિવેક ખાતર પૂછ્યું
બેટા તું કેમ છે ?
બાબા અમે સંસારી માણસ અમારી સીતા રાખે એમ રહીયે.

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શિષ્ય : હે ગુરૂજી, મને મારા અંદર રહેલી ખામીઓ શોધવામાં મદદ કરો.

ગુરૂજી : અરે ક્ષુદ્ર માણસ, તુ આટલે દુર મારા પાસે આ સામાન્ય પ્રશ્ન માટે આવ્યો ? .....

શાંતિપૂર્વક તારી પત્નીને ખાલી એટલુ કહી દે કે તે જાડી થઈ ગઈ છે...... તરત જ તે તારામાં કેટલી ખામીઓ કેટલા વર્ષોથી છે તે બધી જ ગણાવી દેશે .... અને તારા આખા કુટુંબની ખામીઓ જાણવા મળશે તે નફામા..

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સરઃ કેમ રે ચિન્ટુ, સ્કૂલ શરૂ થવાનો ટાઈમ સવારે 7 વાગ્યાનો છે અને તું 8 વાગ્યે  આવે છે.

છોટ્ટુ: સર, મારી રાહ નહીં જોવાની, તમતમારે ભણાવવાનું શરૂ કરી દેવાનું.

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હંસા: પ્રફ્ફુલ, આ રેનસમવેર એટલે?

પ્રફુલ: રેન-સમ-વેર...એટલે ક્યાંક વરસાદ થ્યો એમ ... હંસા...

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એક નોકરે એના શેઠ ને એના લગ્નની કંકોત્રી આપી

એમાં લખ્યું હતું

     *રામજી*
            *WEDS*
                     *રીટા (B.Com)*

આ વાંચી ને શેઠે નોકર ને પૂછ્યું કે તું અંગુઠા છાપ અને આ B.Com વાળી ક્યાં થી ગોતી લાવ્યો

નોકરે કીધું એમાં તમને નો ખબર પડે શેઠ

શેઠે કીધું કેમ નો ખબર પડે એટલે

રામજી બોલ્યો એમા એવું છે B.com. એટલે *બીજા કોમ ની*

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Doc: કોઈ મેન્ટલ ડિસઓર્ડર હિસ્ટરી ખરી?
Pati: હા, એકવાર કેજરીવાલને વોટ આપવાનું મન થયેલુ

Randsomeware Joke of the day

I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...

I sent them my salary slip... Immediately they themselves removed it from my system.

Husband wife joke

એક શોધ ના આધારે જાહેર થયું છે કે

પરણેલા પુરુષ નું પેટ વધવા નું કારણ
મિત્રો જોડે કરેલા ભરપેટ નાસ્તા બાદ ઘરે પણ પત્ની ની બીક માં ખાવું એ પણ હોઈ શકે....

Discovery!!!

Reason why men gains weights after marriage is, after having lots of snacks with friend he has to no option then to eat food prepared by wife....

That's the reason why men gets fat after marriage.

Randsomeware joke one more

Hey god!!!

Please help and delete all DATA from the bank which I had borrowed, using "randsomeware virus".

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Loan Taker.

Mother's Day Day

Son asked Mom
"Why computers are so smart?"
Mother replied,
"because computer follows instructions from Mother Board."

Dedicated to all Supermoms!

Happy Mother's Day

Blast of the day

Blast of the day:
Best Answer given by an Indian Citizen:-
My Income Tax return form has been sent back because, In response to a question for 'Number of Dependents on you?',  I replied :---
"65% of population who doesn't pay taxes, 21 million illegal immigrants, 9,00,000 criminals in over 1382 prisons and above all 544+ MPs in parliament"and 4000 MLA's of states.
They said, this is not an acceptable answer.
I am still wondering..... Who the hell did I miss out!!.

Dedicated to all tax payers.

Current situation

आज का कड़वा सत्य
Fact of today

पूरी दुनिया में महिलाएं *3.15* अरब
Overall WOMEN population of world 3.15 billion

फेसबुक पर महिलायें  *5.67* अरब
Overall WOMEN population on Facebook 5.67 billion

Joke of the day: BITTER TRUTH

BITTER TRUTH

At market
Bhaiya gobi kaise diye?
₹20/kg
Bhaiya 15 laga do.

At dominos
1 medium pizza.
₹285
₹300. Keep the change.

Status update on facebook
"Farmers are dying"

Joke of the day

Part 1

Just before the Satyanarayan Puja the wife asks her husband ...,

Wife : Hope you remember Aarti?

Husband : Yes the slim girl with brown eyes who stays in 402 and drives a  wagon R?

....... 

before Satyanarayan Puja itself the Husband got Prasad

Part 2

Yesterday evening while prayer was going on
કાલે સાંજે પૂજા કરતા..

Wife:
Do you remember "aarti"?
વાઈફ:
તને આરતી તો યાદ છે ને..??

Wife:
Yes, that thin, bright eyes, beautiful, who wears sari below waist right??
હાં, પેલી પતલી, માંજરી આંખો વારી, નમણી અને કમર થી નીચી સાડી પહેરે છે, તેજ ને..??

Then, pooja did happened!!!!!
પછી તો જે પૂજા થઇ..

Greetings to god!!!
*બોલો સત્યનારાયણ દેવ કી..*

Joke of the Day

Sardar ring📞 a call centre,
"My internet is not working properly."

Officer:
"Ok
Double click on "My computer"

Sardar:
"I can't see ur computer💻"

Officer:
"No no
click on "My computer" on ur computer."

Sardar:
"How can I click on ur computer from my computer?"

Officer:
"Listen
There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on ur computer. Double click on it."

Sardar:
"What  the hell😡, what is your computer doing on my computer..?"

Officer:
"Double click on your computer."

Sardar:
"On which Icon i've to click?"

Officer:
"My Computer"

Sardar:
"Oh Teri......Pagal insaan
Tell me where is ur office. I'll come there and click on your
"Computer."

Joke of the Day

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid

Husband: Well you dont’t remember, do you??
When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped.
Then you said:
Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.
So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there. 

Joke of the day

Doctor - Your case is quite complicated.

Patient - Why doctor? What happened?

Doctor - You got a disease from the chapter  which I left as optional during my studies.

A funny email which I read today...

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.



So both groups gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):

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7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..




Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come.......When TC arrives,




All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes Away....




NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):




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Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal".....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all !!!!!..

TC arrives.....




ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.




One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the

ticket and comes in Eng. Bathroom...!

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined..




SCENE 3 (LONAVALA): !

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So now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 ticket...

Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...




SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets .................... .....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........!!


Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses,don't mess with Engineers.